Benchmark to be an Indian

When we wanna talk about certain race or ethnics, i am sure there are certain aspect will resemble the races, i.e. businessman and ah beng’s for chinaman a.k.a chinese and fasting month (puasa) which is actually for the muslims but in malaysia it will mostly reminds us of the malays. Wonder why am i being such a racist by not mentioning about indians?lolz, wondered too soon, i have a list of indians habit and practice that makes indians a real indian. To be honest ( to avoid get bombard for plagiarism), I adopted below facts from an email and did lil modification to it and share with you guys. Just for fun yea.

* You arrive one hour late to a party and find out you are the first one to arrive. ( somehow true, unless if its a dinner reception, all will be early to grab the food before it finished off)

*You think it’s perfectly normal to call someone who’s 30 years younger than you “anna”(elder brother) just because he’s behind a counter. (happens mostly in the mamak shops)

* You wear a suit to a wedding… and you are only 3 years old. ( Proud to admit that my mom dressed me up like that, and i had a pic taken in studio..wahahaa, poyoh(show off) la)

*The wedding takes an hour and the group pictures take five hours.( Tell me about it, just experienced one yesterday)

* Your mom and sister together own more jewelry than a Chinese jewelry store. ( so that they can be pawned when the family is in financial crisis)

*Your parents’ idea of a vacation is to go down to the temples in India . ( just like the chinese dreams forward the forbidden city and great wall of china and the malays dreams to go mecca)

*You talk for an hour at the front door, one hour at the grille, and one hour after sat down in the car and get the windows wind down.

*The second your guests leave the house, your parents start talking about them. ( muahahaha, is that what we call indian mouth?)

*You go to a Tamil Cultural program only to find one barathanatyam and six hip hop shows.(support local musician larr mike,hahaha)

* You are somehow related to every new friend you meet.( and you will start to hint each other that you are from the same caste therefore you are related, rite manjakz?)

*Your remote control is still in its plastic packet.

*You get a 95% on a test and your parents ask What happened to the other 5%?! ( thank god my parents are not that lame)

*You stare at Indian people when they walk by. ( It happens to almost 98% of the indians including me sometimes but i dont stare la unless i’m trying to recall the familiar face)

*You see married couples kissing on TV but have never seen your Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another.( my parents are too old to get kinky infront of their 26 year old son la, back to base, they are indians, i meant we, lolz)

*Your parents never address each other by name.( yennange, inge vaaange or attan, saapudungo taan, fucking gross. ( didnt wanna translate and make others to puke) )

*When you get your first part-time job, your parents expect you to give them half. (owh, thank god, its good enough if you dont ask parents money even after you are earning more than your father does)

*Your mother has a minor dispute with her sister-in law and doesn’t talk to her for 10 years.( yea maybe its because she dented her chutney jar and didn’t say sorry)

*Your parents say Swiss instead of Switzerland , Germany is German and England is London ( What does it matter after all)

*You go to a party and your aunt comments on how your skin color has changed. ( yea, as if that old b*tch has beyonce’s complexion.)

*You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all the songs from Roja are dubbed in it.( and the vaarayo thooli vaarayo, the fcukin old school tune when the bride walks in the scene)

*You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo. (muniandy to andy and kaaliswary to cally)

*You have dinner at 10pm .( nope, my mum follow the chinese style cuz she will get it done before her drama/serials starts)

*When your parents say ‘BBC’ they don’t mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or aunty Kamala.( trust me, they are way better than CNN and BBC as well)

*It’s normal for all the relatives to bathe the groom on his wedding day.( huh, got such event meh?but can i request for only young gals?)

*You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousin on your father’s side is pregnant even before she does.( no comments)

*Your aunties tease you about a particularly eligible cousin… & you like it!!! ( yuckss, i dun wanna get a unhealthy kid)

*You serve all your guests tea with milk and 5 spoons of sugar. ( and its kinda slow poison, lolz)

*You only stop putting more rice on your guest’s dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop.( this is real indian la, the real indian love in feeding others)

*Anytime you speak back to your parents, you get: ‘I toiled my life for you, and this is how you repay me?!’ -(‘Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!’) (my chinese grandma does that too la, so not so indianish)

*If you are a girl, you are expected to come home before dark – however if it’s a son, ‘OK rasa, jaakirathaa poitu vaa…’ ( yea rite, not the same anymore)

*Halfway through your shower you realize that your Head and Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been replaced by Siyakkai ( some herb thingy) shampoo.

*You walk in to another Tamil family’s house and they have the same furniture and dining set as yours.(hahaha, kita tarah itu macam la)

Hope you had fun reading it, friends are waiting for me to leave with cock stare as I need to “tumpang” them as my car is…… ( will be updated tomorrow).

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11 Replies to “Benchmark to be an Indian”

  1. Goodness, bro, obviously what I wrote today is something similar like this one.

    Lol. but I did not receive any of this by mail, and I read in Kenny the other day.

    Cheers bro, you wrote it 2 days earlier and now only I’m realising this. Copy panneneh nenechikathingge bro.


  2. hahaha good ones lar Vicky… especially when i wanted to say sumting afta reading a sentence and find the word is there in a (bracket) hahaha

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